Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
