Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just tell him i said nine months
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
