WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize