I accidentally burped into my bong.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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