how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize