I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Couch. On fire.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize