my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
