Kiss
Puke
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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