Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
