So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
