Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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