My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I cannot find my penis.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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