obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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