I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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