I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
