Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
