just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
