I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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