This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
