Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
