You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
