Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
