More tranny stories later!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
