This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
