Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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