Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This house was built for laser tag.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
