i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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