you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
