Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize