I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
