Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
