I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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