i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
