It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
