Tell her she can't have a vagina
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
