TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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