Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
