Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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