What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
