Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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