Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
