Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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