boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm passing your future prison.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
