hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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