my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
