I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
