I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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