I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize