The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
