I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
barbara walters just said penis...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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