Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
