Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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