Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
