Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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