I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
