Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
