I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
