today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I want is dick and wine.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize