dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
