drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
