this just has baby written all over it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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