At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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