C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
