hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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