seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
