I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
