Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
