break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My ATM looks so different sober.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize