Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
