It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
