why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
