and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
