ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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