ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
