hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
