Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
