I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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