I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
