I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's official drugs can't kill me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My liver just had a heart attack.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
