I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
