is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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