Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
