as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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