party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
