I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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