her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
