The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
