Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
