we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
