i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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