i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
