I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
