Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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