The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
