last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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