there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
