he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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